Ecce Homo

The Saturday before Easter, my now best friend and I went on a hike up a large mountain bordering our city. I was filled with frustration at several things, not least among them being the way that God seems to switch life on me without my permission. I could imagine nothing better than to expend my energy in a strenuous hike up a switchbacking trail. I didn't really feel like talking at first, but at some promptings from my friend, not to mention some distinctive Divine nudging, it all slowly came out.

See, I'd been figuratively climbing a mountain in my life for some time. To me, it seemed like a perfectly good one. I thought I had it all figured out, and I thought the destination was the best one imaginable. I thought I understood how to be happy, and I thought I'd been faithful to that. Then, when the carpet seemed to be pulled out from under me, I was as frustrated as a child when someone smashes the sandcastle which seemed to them to be a mansion. After some tears and pleadings, I went to Father in Heaven and asked simply the only question which really mattered, "What is the next step?"

So there I was, climbing a mountain on that brisk spring Saturday. The answer to the next step in my life could not have been more clear, but I found myself wondering if God really knew me or my needs. What He had told me to do did not seem to make any sense, and did not appear to hold a candle to the sandcastle that had been so inconsiderately smashed. I wondered if anything else could be half as good as what I thought I'd lost.

In the film Peaceful Warrior, the main character Dan Millman, a world-class gymnist, is taken on a hike by his mentor, who he calls "Socrates," or "Soc." Soc told Dan that they were going somewhere very special, in fact that he'd been waiting for a long time for Dan to be ready to go to this place. They hike uphill for more than three hours, and when Dan asks again how soon they would arrive, Soc looks around at the simple meadow where they stood and announces "We're here!" Suprised, Dan looks in vain for the great sight he thought they were going to see. When Soc points out the rock near their feet and tells him that was what they came for, Dan is at first extremely disgruntled. He had been so happy coming up because he thought they were going to see a great sight. The normal human tendency would be to get angry and say "That's all?!" However, at some prompting from Soc, Dan realizes the truth. He did not need to lose the happiness he'd found through the process, because whether it is a rock or one of the seven wonders of the world, what really matters is who we become and the joy in the journey. The journey is what really matters, not the destination.

There on my mountain that day, I too experienced several significant shifts. In the first place, I chose to let my friend in. In addition, I chose to take one moment at a time. I did not know where this "next step" God had in mind would lead, but I found that I didn't need to know the final destination in order to live right now to the fullest. I choose to take the next step for what it is, a part of the path God has in mind for me, trusting that the final goal is simply a culmination of fully present "next steps."

Fast forward one week. Never in a million years could I have imagined the joy and peace that have come to me, even in one week, of following a path that at first made me question if God really knew me. I have tasted the joy of being a true woman. Through the example of my best friend, I have begun to recognize what it means to be a true man. The sandcastle I'd built for my future life, based on the experiences of the past, has been dramatically changed forever. I think I've glimpsed what it is like to live in a mansion.

Last night, my friend shared with me again the story of ideal manhood. Since it is barely a week after the celebration of Easter, I thought it appropriate to repeat again here. The Jews in Jesus' time were looking for a Messiah, a Deliverer who would free them from the oppression of the Romans. They wanted something great and grand and dramatic, something that would take them from the humdrum of everyday life and make their existence different from the outside in. To put it in other words, they wanted someone to bring them to a perfect final destination, and they wanted it in their way. When Jesus actually came to them, many did not recognize Him simply because He did not fit the mold of how they thought things "should" be. "Does God even know what who we are or what is really going on here?" Yet, Jesus brought them the way, the path which changes everything from the inside out. He brought them a way of living, which, if followed, turns life into a joy and makes the ordinary extraordinary. It makes earth itself into heaven. There is nothing on this earth more powerful than being a true man and a true woman, and that comes from taking each "next step" as directed from the Source of all power. I know, because I've experienced it. Jesus showed the ideal which we are all striving for. Pilate put it this way:

Then came Jesus forth, wearing the crown of thorns, and the purple robe. And Pilate saith unto them, Behold the man! (John 19:5)